Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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