He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
