I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
