Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
