Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
