Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
