you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
