so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
did you just send me my own nude
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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