How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
