I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
