You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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