this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
