Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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