I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
