Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
That accounts for only three of the penises
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
