saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
