I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
