I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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