so explain again why im purple
no
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
