What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
