Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Randomize
