What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
