Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
