Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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