My nipple is on Facebook.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
