i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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