You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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