We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
