I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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