the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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