I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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