i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
