you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Randomize
