Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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