he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
