I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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