sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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