so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
