found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
worst night to have a conscience
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
