The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
