im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
