the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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