It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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