I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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