Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
