At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
