I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
