when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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