We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
