God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Nicole vs. Life
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
