i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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