They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
