Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
