making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
