wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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