She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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